So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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