Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
