you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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