She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
