Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
