I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
