Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
