So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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