so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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