Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
