i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
