watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i drank out of a bidet.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
