Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Don't make out with my wife yet
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
