Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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