I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
