if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
