Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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