Are we in a gay sports bar?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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