Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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