Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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