Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
