I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
