its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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