Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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