I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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