Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Randomize