Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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