She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
