Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
