My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize