do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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