My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize