After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
