Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
