I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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