Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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