i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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