btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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