College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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