I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just pee around me
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
