I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
