I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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