Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
