hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my sisters under your porch take her home
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
