just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
