Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize