her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
