It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
