I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize