I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
