I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
