I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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