i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
