Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
