my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
