The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
