Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
