Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
