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I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We had sex on a dog bed..
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
