If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
