gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
