It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
