1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
