Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize