that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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